“What you say, Comrade?”
I have a coworker that within my department that one could guess as to be as old to have partaken in the Bolshevik Revolution himself. And his eastern block habits, attitudes, and mindset do much to perpetuate the the coldwar stereotype McCarthy espoused decades ago. I’ll call him the Mad Russian from here on out.
You take the man out of Moscow, but you can’t take Moscow out of the man.
For the most part, he’s a pretty decent guy. Generally friendly in his tight-lipped, grumpy, vodka-swilling, can’t teach a dog new trick type of way. He was born and raised in Moscow and moved to the states in 1991, though it appears both his english and grammar are only more recent arrivals having taken some time to hole up in an Ian Flemming film festival somewhere during transit.
One of my pet peeves, and probably because I hear it 20 times a day is instead of saying “Excuse, can you repeat that?” -or- “I didn’t hear you.” -or- “What did you say?” it’s just a gruff “What you say?”
“What you say?” “What you say?” “What you say?”
I’d think by now, with 17 years under you belt, you’d get it right. Maybe I’m being a little picky. We all have quirks, myself included.
It’s always fun to listen to him on the phone with other employees….that is if he answers the phone. I guess that’s another pet peeve of mine. Being part of a Help Desk situation, there are a pool of us who all have the ability to pick up the Help Desk line when the extension rings, however, no matter how busy everyone else is we are all supposed to take turn and pick up. Not my kissing komrade. It’s beneath him. And if you are unlucky enough to get him on the phone in a rare moment of lucidity, he has the ability to go all Marxist on you and make you feel you called an east-Indian outsourced phone tech named ‘Michael’.
My other favorite obsevations of him:
- Tom Leykis is his spiritual guru, especially when it comes to women and how they should be treated.
- He doesn’t always like to wash his hand after using the restroom.
- He likes to argue with the boss, play ignorant, and ignore direct orders in such a way that management doesn’t know how to react to his borderline psychosis.
- He likes to make sure that his nose hair matches the length of his ear canal hair.
- Fashion dictates his waistline is indeed creeping northward, as his belt buckle is soon to invade his belly button much like Hitler invaded Poland.
- Using the rear view and side mirror while backing up is for pussies as the multiple dings in his bumper can attest. I love driving with him to lunch, it’s always an adventure, and it’s always the other guys fault.
- His ability to walking-in in the morning and leaving in the afternoon without ever saying “Hello” or “Goodbye” to anyone in the room. That is way to much effort.
- He dislikes the concept of ‘booofays’, (as we say ‘buffets’), as he says he cannot stop eating.
- ‘Tipping’ is for the rich in his opinion.
- …..as is fashion and style.
- Ignoring documented procedure is the norm. Writing down what you did for others and inputing requested model numbers, serial numbers, software versions, etc…is also for pussies. In Russia, just be happy it turns on I guess.





